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Elsie Novak z"l - אסנת בת משה בער הכהן ונחמה                                         May Her Memory Be for a Blessing

11/12/2014

11 Comments

 
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My mother, Elsie Novak, died peacefully in her sleep last Thursday evening the 6th of November at 10:10pm, the 14th day of Cheshvan. My mother often shared with me her deepest fear that the death process be a painful one. Thank G!d, it was quite the opposite.

What I sensed over her last few days was that her soul was disentangling itself from her body, as if it were undoing the stitching that attached it to its physical container. In BT Moed Katan 28a, we find this story:

“Rava was seated at the bedside of Rabbi Nachman, and he saw that his teacher was dying. Said Rabbi Nachman to him, ‘Please tell the Angel of Death not to torment me.’ To which Rava replies, “Why are you asking me to do this for you? Are you not an ‘adam chashuv’, a person of status? Rabbi Nachman responds and says, “Before the Angel of Death, who is esteemed, who is regarded, who is  distinguished?” Rava then says, “Will you show yourself in a dream to me after you die?”, and Rabbi Nachman replies that he will if he can.

Sure enough, some time after he dies, Rabbi Nachman appears to Rava in a dream. Rava asks him the question that we would all like to ask if we could. He says to him, “Did you suffer much pain while you were dying?” Rabbi Nachman says; “It was like removing a hair from a glass of milk.”


A few years ago I started to include in my daily davvenen, in the paragraph that begins with shma koleynu, my prayer that when it was time for my mother's soul to return to its' source, that it do so without pain, like "removing a hair from a glass of milk." 

I don't know which hurts more, when prayers are realized or when they are not, because my heart is broken open and my tears flow like rain from the very notion that my prayer has been answered. 

Thanks to all who have written to express your condolences. Everyone should be as blessed as I am, to feel held in times of sorrow by sacred community, both near and far. I look forward to sharing more with you about my mom in the coming year.  









11 Comments
Jonathan Seidel link
11/12/2014 09:51:58 am

May her memory be a blessing. May you carry her in your heart and your love of your own children and all of us that you have touched for the rest of this incarnation, ken Yehi ratzon.

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Eve Ilsen
11/12/2014 11:14:23 am

Oh, Mark, I was worried about the same for my mother.
She had BEEN in pain, and I finally got her to hospice to control it. Once she was settled, a nurse called to me and said, "Quick! She wants to tell you something!" I ran to the bed and kneeled on the floor, near her head. She looked straight into my eyes and gave me the most amazing luminous smile---and stopped breathing.

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Mark Novak
11/12/2014 11:56:05 am

Wow, Eve, I had similar things happen with both my mom and dad. My sister Ellen called me from the nursing home the night before mom died, and mom was nearly gone. Ellen put the phone up to mom's ear and I sang to her I'd Do Anything (form Oliver), a song we had sung together many times. I ould literally feel her rising from the depths trying to repond, which she did with an audible sound. My sister confirmed all this. Mom let go the next night.
My dad was in terrible shape in the hospital in 1990 when I went to go see him. His eyes were rolled up in his head, and was breathing heavily. I sang to him L'dor va'dor, which we had sung together many , many times. Not only did he start to sing, but he was reachinbg for the harmony! I left the next day to retrun to DC, he died two days later on his way to hospice, My sister said that she sensed that dad had been waiting for me.

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Julie Gordon
11/12/2014 12:22:11 pm

Mark,

I am sending you my deepest condolences as you mourn the death of your beloved mother. As you walk this path of mourning, may you feel the supportive care of God, your family, friends, community and colleagues. Her memory is for a blessing.

My mother also died peacefully, though very suddenly, this past year. As you share our words of Torah in your mother's memory, I will also be comforted.

Fondly,

Julie

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Debra Kirsch
11/12/2014 06:02:00 pm

Hugs Mark and Renee. I am sorry for your loss, but I am glad you had this particular prayer answered. Take good care of yourselves this week. Hope to see you both soon.

Thanks for always sharing your personal experiences with us. They are very meaningful.

Love,
Debra

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Mindy Portnoy
11/13/2014 12:51:59 am

Mark, my deepest condolences to you on the death of your beloved mother....a great blessing that she passed away so peacefully. And thank you for sharing the beautiful story about Rava and Rav Nachman; would that all deaths could be as gentle. May she rest in peace, and may you be consoled by all your wonderful memories.

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Debra Zaslow link
11/13/2014 01:24:05 am

"Her soul was disentangling itself from her body, as if it were undoing the stitching that attached it to its physical container." Beautiful description, and how fortunate your were there to witness. Very similar to what I saw with my grandma as she shed her layers in dying.Sending you love, blessings, and hugs from Oregon.

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Eve Shapiro
11/13/2014 03:42:43 am

Dear Mark,

My sincere condolences on your mother's death. Although this is the way every one of us would like to die, that probably doesn't lessen the pain you must feel. Her love will be with you always. No one can ever take that away.

I am planning to come to my first of your services this Shabbat, and my husband, Howard, may come, too. I look forward to hearing more stories. I don't know what has taken me so long...but as the saying goes, "When the student is ready, the teacher will come."

All my best,
Eve

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Mark Novak
11/13/2014 03:56:24 am

Eve, thank you so much for your warm and consoling note.
I am so grateful, and I look forward to sharing a little bit of my mother's life with you and hopefully Howard too this Shabbat.
Blessings,
Mark

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Judy Young
11/14/2014 12:17:11 am

You have been blessed with much love and with the wisdom to grieve in a way that serves you. May God be with you especially at this fragile time. Zichonah l'vracha.

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Donna Basik
11/21/2014 10:11:02 am

Once again you give us all the gift of your wisdom and heart. I am sure it was a powerful thing for your mom to hear your voice singing a song with such deep associations for her of your bond with one another. She was an awesome lady and I will think of her with fondness, as I always have. You and Renee have been in my thoughts. Hope to connect in person soon,
Much love,
Donna

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    Mark Novak is a "free-range" rabbi who lives in Washington DC and works, well, just about everywhere. In 2012 he founded Minyan Oneg Shabbat, home to MOSH (Minyan Oneg Shabbat), MindfulMOSH (Jewish mindfulness gathering), and
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