I Can't Sing

5/9/2014

I'd like to share a beautiful teaching from Rav Kook for you to take into Shabbat with you. Rav Kook teaches that "most of a person's spiritual exhaustion and lack of inner fulfillment derives from tne fact that he is distancing himself from something he is especially qualified for by virtue of the unique characteristics of his own soul...every person must know that he is called to serve in a away that is compatible with his unique way of knowing and feeling, true to the core of his soul, and it is (there)... that he will find the riches of his life."

Last week at Mindful MOSH, our monthly Jewish mindfulness gathering, Rabbi Elyssa Joy Auster guided us through the creation of personal mandalas, after which we had the opportunity to share with each other any insights we had into what we had drawn. Later, I commented that I hate to draw, and have hated to draw since childhood. Why? Because my drawings never looked like anything I do like to dabble in the margins, but drawing, that's a no.

My comment opened a floodgate of memories from those present of how they had been wounded by someone, often school teachers, who had told them that they couldn't draw, that they couldn't sing, that they couldn't dance, etc.

One person had this to say: "It was stunning how many of us had the experience of being told that we were "no good" at drawing or art. Mine was when 7th grade art teacher held up my work and laughed at it! And I got a D for the first time! The morning provided a nice opportunity for each of to have a bit of tikkun in that area and to hold each other gently."

Another person remembered how she was asked to only move her lips while standing in the midst of her grade school choir.

What I am wondering is this. My "unique way of knowing and feeling" were never mined through the experience of drawing. Are the people who tell us that we are no good at something actually angels whose job it is to guide us away from areas incompatible with our soul's journey in this lifetime? I really do not want to believe that that is true, but it does make sense in a "what seems like a curse may turn out to be a blessing" sort of way. Your thoughts?

Shabbat shalom,

R' Mark

PS BTW, does anyone know anything about the Dylan photo that accompanies this post?

7 Comments

Jonathan Epstein

5/9/2014 02:17:01 am

Regarding, the Dylan photo, "tineye.com" can help to answer these sorts of questions (it can identify most photos from the web).

Using tineye.com, here's what I found:
http://omwoods.blogspot.ca/2012_04_01_archive.html
http://thephantomcountry.blogspot.ca/2012_02_01_archive.html

Perhaps it's from the film _Don't Look Back_

Zack Novak link

5/9/2014 05:46:39 pm

The photo looks a whole lot like the scene from the music video for "Subterranean Homesick Blues", here is a link but I couldn't find that sign.
http://www.metacafe.com/watch/sy-187835137/bob_dylan_subterranean_homesick_blues_official_music_video/

Mary Meyerson link

5/11/2014 10:17:21 am

<<Are the people who tell us that we are no good at something actually angels whose job it is to guide us away from areas incompatible with our soul's journey in this lifetime?>>

What a great question, Rabbi Mark! I've been thinking about it - on and off - for a couple of days. My ultimate response? "It depends."

"It depends" on what the purpose of the activity is.... if I'm knitting a sweater for someone, then it's really important that my activity meet a certain criteria. If I'm knitting, because the rhythmic activity soothes my soul.... then it doesn't matter what the product looks like.

If I'm drawing to represent something specific, the product (and techniques and materials) might be very important.... If I'm drawing to represent a feeling or reaction or interpretation, then maybe the teacher's opinion is less relevant.

I've had students in grades 3-6 plead not to have to participate in an art chug (or a drama one or a writing one or a music/movement one, depending on the student) because "I'm no good at art (/drama/writing/music, etc)."

My response was typically a two-part one: "1) You're awfully young to decide that's a door that's permanently closed to you and 2) if it turns out you don't enjoy it, aren't you glad the chug is only 6 sessions, instead of a whole year?"

After the fact, inevitably the specific student would come up to me and say, "That wasn't as bad as I thought! Maybe I'm better at art (etc) than I thought I was."

I give the teachers who were on my staff all the credit for being able to encourage the kids to express themselves in a variety of ways and change the "I can't" to a "Hmmm, maybe this isn't so bad."

So, I guess - for me - the answer to your question depends on the motivation behind the activity.... and by what criteria the activity is being measured.

Zeke

7/17/2014 09:03:11 pm

I look at the quote a little differently - one of the most essential phrases in it for me is "he is distancing himself"- the insight is that we are all active agents in keeping ourselves from our souls' path. In fact we distance ourselves from what we are _especially_ qualified for - meaning that if we want to discover our true selves, one of the best places to look is where we have been habitually turning away, shutting down or closing off. So if someone tells me about something that they hate or "just don't do" - like with you and drawing, or with me and a hundred activities I can think of from cooking to poetry writing - then my first thought is that this activity is truly a special part of their soul's path.

In these terms, I also look at the role of the "judgmental teacher" quite differently - I think that before I met this teacher, the part of me that wanted to shut myself off from my soul's path was looking for an excuse to do so, and this teacher was a convenient justification.... So now I can say "the teacher is right, I am no good" and thus never even try again. In my eyes the teacher is not to blame - neither is he/she an angel - the focus is really on me and my soul and the part of me that uses whatever experiences it can to keep that soul locked away and powerless.

I haven't seen it in a long time, but surely that is a still from the Subterranean Homesick Blues video!

R' Mark link

7/18/2014 12:25:51 am

Hi Zeke - thanks so much for taking the time and interest to reply. While I agree that there is much to be gained when we enter into areas that are uncomfortable, Rav Kook's teaching "distancing oneself" ends with "something that he is especially qualified for by virtue of the unique characteristics of his own soul...every person must know that he is called to serve in a away that is compatible with his unique way of knowing and feeling" Is it possible to say that the teacher as referred to in the post may be doing someone a service by steering him/her away from something not "compatible with his unique way of knowing and feeling."?
While there may be some truth to that (one that I would have a hard time making an argument for), the עקר for me is that there are destructive forces that intended or not, cause our hearts to close.
I agree with you when you point out that we do this to ourselves in oh so many ways, how much worse when someone else does it to us, and even worse, at a young age when children are super sensitive to the comments of well meaning (?) adults.

Jerry (have worked with you many times when you were the officiant and I the photographer) link

11/29/2014 08:27:26 am

Hi Rabbi Mark,
First time for me at your site. I think all the comments are wonderful and insightful. For me the one thing I would watch out for is calling a person who makes negative comments "an angel". What about the Classic Einstein story where he fails math in school. If he had not followed his own "inner angel" we would have never had his brilliance and the theory of relativity etc.

7/18/2014 12:26:51 am

Correct, Subterranean Homesick Blues video wins the prize!

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I Can't Sing

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